What is a life that is well lived? 

This is a question that dominates my subconscious.  Every choice I make is carefully thought through to ensure that I create a life founded in truth and authenticity.  I think this has always been my motivator.  I am determined to wring as many meaningful experiences from this life as I can. I refuse to accept anything less. It took me decades to want this for myself. If a person, a situation or an experience seems the least bit disingenuous or rings hollow I immediately disengage.  This is why I read so much.  This is why I travel as much as possible.  This is why I had children.  This is what drew me to N.

I truly believe my path began with reading.  I am only an only child and my father was working on his masters in history when I was a preschooler. He encouraged me to find comfort in reading and our home was filled with books.  I took to reading like a duck to water.  I read voraciously and still do to this day.  Reading opened up my mind and helped me to tap in to empathy.  Reading allowed me to escape anxiety when I had to deal with change.  Reading calmed my mind and introduced me to other people's realities.  Reading also taught me that I was normal.  That nothing I thought was wrong or quite frankly that different than anyone else.  When I open a book I can go anywhere I want.  There is such freedom in that choice.  Reading also introduced me to the nature of travel as an alternative to the grind.  Reading has always been integral to what I believe is a life well lived.  Part of my journey is trying to understand and connect with other people.  Books are a means of connection.

Travel has always been an interest. I have a keen curiosity to explore but for years my interest in traveling was dulled by having children and accumulating.  Accumulating a house, stuff and more stuff.  When my ex-husband and I separated I suddenly felt like the world was my oyster.  For the first time in my life I had no obligation to anyone but my kids.  However, I knew my kids would leave someday.  I started reading travel literature.  Paul Theroux has always been a particularly powerful influence.  He travels with an eye to delving into the culture, not taking from it or imposing upon it, he seeks the authenticity in the moment. I was fascinated with his perspective on India, Russia, China and Africa.  In rapid succession I read the following books;

• Ghost Train to the Eastern Star
• Riding the Iron Rooster
• The Great Railway Bazaar
• Dark Star
• Deep South

I was hooked.  I knew I wanted to see a lot more of this world and to see it through as close a lens of reality as possible.  I quickly understood how limited and insular my world up to that point had been.  I knew that in order to live the life I wanted I had to figure out a way to see a lot more of this world.  I shouldn't say a good life, that sounds patronizing.  I mean a life that allows for a deeper thrust. I know so little and I am so curious as to what else is out there.  Every opportunity I can, I will travel.  There is such freedom in leaving everything you know behind.  I think traveling helps you understand that ultimately we are all the same.  We want to fall in love, support our families and connect with each other. 

Part of my journey to get here was having kids.  That certainly helped me understand how much alike we all are, we all want the best for our children.  My children have humbled me and taught me the true meaning of love and devotion.  It's pretty textbook,  I was incredibly self involved as a youth.  I drifted in my twenties with no sense of direction or external motivation beyond the need for my ego to be stroked and a sort of half baked drive to make money.  When my kids were born my focus sharpened and it was because I had to take care of them and they needed me.  That was such a life changer for me.  I grew up and learnt about myself.  If a baby was sick I was up in the night, if a child needed to be somewhere I was taking them and when my marriage ended I was determined to provide the same standard of life for them at whatever cost. So here I am still plodding along in the grind taking care of my children.

I am so grateful for my children.  They taught me the meaning of passion, dedication and discipline.  They taught me to dig deep inside myself and ask hard questions.  When you love something more than yourself you learn who you really are and kids are part of a life well lived.  Through my children I met N.  He was part of the fabric of my everyday life in the trenches of raising kids.  When he lost his wife we gravitated towards each other and discovered we had very similar goals and interests. We both agreed on what a life well lived looked like for the two of us.  Love is part of a life well lived.  I am figuring out day by day.  What I have come to understand is that if you are relentless in your search for truth and authenticity you will find joy.  It's like everything, it takes hard work and discipline to be happy.  You have to love yourself and trust your instincts.  Most of all I think you have to be open to other people because it's that connection that creates the joy.